Children
younger than age 6 often have difficulty distinguishing between reality and fantasy. So, for them there is often an uncertain boundary between truth and fiction. After about age 6, however, children clearly can tell truth apart from fantasy. As a result, when a child lies they know they are being deceitful.
Reasons kids lie
Many pressures can cause a child to lie. Most frequently, when a child has been brought up in a loving and responsible home, they will first lie when they have done something they know is wrong. They may be afraid of disappointing their parents or being punished. Already feeling guilty, they will try to protect against what they think will be harsh discipline.
In many cases, parents of children who lie have unusually high standards of behavior and expectations. These children know right from wrong and, in what they view as a difficult situation, are trying to save face.
What lying means for your child's development
Remember, lying shows that a child is aware that they have done something wrong. Trying to avoid your disappointment and disapproval shows that their conscience is working. Parents who overreact and become extremely negative may push their child into a position of feeling that they need to lie again and again to protect themselves.
What to do when your child lies
If you discover that your child has lied, let them know immediately that you are aware they are not telling the truth. Harsh punishment is usually not very effective. Instead, make the following points with both your words and your behavior:
"I want you to tell me only the truth, and I will always tell you the truth, so that we can always believe each other."
"You will get in much less trouble if you tell the truth instead of lying."
Model honesty
Also, remember that your own actions and your own style of telling the truth are probably the most important ways you can teach your child the importance of honesty.
During middle childhood, kids might become confused in a home where there is a double standard about lying; that is, where they are forbidden to lie but her parents sometimes tell little "white lies," distorting the truth for their own convenience. It gives confusing signals to a child who has always been told to be honest, to witness a parent stretching the truth on the phone or with neighbors. Children often have a hard time understanding subtle situations like these.
When to seek more help
A child with a history of chronic lying should be seen by a counselor, child-guidance clinic or a mental-health professional. Chronic liars often have had difficulty establishing a true conscience that can clearly tell right from wrong. These children also may be signaling a need for help because of disturbances in their family life or outside the home.