Deciding to Wait: How to Know If You’re Ready for Sex

No matter what you've heard, read or seen, not everyone your age is having sex. And that goes for both intercourse and oral sex. In fact, more than half of all teens choose to wait until they're older to have sex.

If you feel confused about having sex, even if you've had sex before, here are a few questions to ask yourself. Considering these points can help you decide whether you are truly ready to have sex.

How do I want to handle these new feelings?

Being physically attracted to another person, as well as trying to figure out how to deal with these feelings, is perfectly normal. Kissing and hugging often leads to really intense sexual feelings.

Before things go too far, take a moment to ask yourself...

• Do I really want to have sex?
  

• Is this person pressuring me to have sex?

• Am I feeling pressure from my friends to have sex?

• Am I ready and prepared to have safe sex?

• What will happen after I have sex with this person?

Remember, you can show how you feel about someone without having sex (being abstinent) with them.

Can you be in a relationship without being sexual?

Yes. Being in a relationship can mean:

• Sharing your opinions and feelings with each other

• Taking interest in each other's interests and hobbies

• Spending romantic time together by doing activities or hobbies

• Holding hands, kissing or cuddling
  

Are you ready?

Ask yourself these questions:

• How do you feel when you are with this person?

• Is this person kind and caring?

• Does this person respect you and your opinions?

• Have you talked together about whether to have sex?

• Have you talked together about using some form of protection like condoms to prevent infections? And have you discussed using condoms or other forms of protection to prevent pregnancy?

• Will you stay together even if one of you does not want to have sex?

• Do you know if your partner has ever had sex with other people?

• Do you feel pressured to have sex just to please your partner?

If you and your partner find it hard to talk about sex, it might be a sign that you are not ready to have sex. Open and honest communication is important in any relationship, especially one that involves sex.

Have I thought through the risks of having sex?

It's normal for teens to be curious about sex, but deciding to have sex is a big step. It is important to consider what can happen if you have sex without being prepared. Having sex increases your chances of becoming pregnant, becoming a teen parent, and getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI), and it may affect the way you feel about yourself.

Some things to think about before you have sex:

• What would your parents say if you had sex?

• Are you ready to deal with pregnancy?

• Could you handle being told that you have an STI (like herpes, for example)?

• Do you know where to go for birth control methods?

• How would you feel if your partner told you it's over after you have sex?

• How would you feel if your partner tells people at school the two of you had sex?

• How would you handle feeling guilty, scared or sad because you had sex?
  

Set your limits

If you don't want to have sex, set limits before things get too serious. Never let anyone talk you into doing something you don't want to do. No one should be pressured or forced to have sex!

If you are ever pressured or forced to have sex, it's important to:

• never to blame yourself, and
  

• tell an adult you trust as soon as possible.

Medical and counseling support is available to help someone who has been forced to have sex.

Stick by your decision

If you don't know what to say, here are some suggestions.

• "I like you a lot, but I'm not ready to have sex."

• "You're fun to be with, and I wouldn't want to ruin our relationship with sex."

• "You're a great person, but sex isn't how I prove I like someone."

• "I'd like to wait until I'm older before I decide to have sex."

Why wait?

People who wait until they are older to have sex usually find out that it's:

• More special

• Less risky to their health

• Easier to act responsibly and take precautions to avoid infections and pregnancy